i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
