She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize