Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
