I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
