I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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