I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
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