He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
