The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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