i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
