i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
