I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
