god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
