i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
