well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
