Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
