i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
