is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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