just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
