my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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