Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
