I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
