so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
