I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
