So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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