I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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