So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
