My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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