This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
