I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
