i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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