Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize