Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
