He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize