Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
