i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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