i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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