Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
