Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize