dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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