I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
