i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize