just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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