matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want nice things and good sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
