Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
