I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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