i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
