it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
