just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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