his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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