the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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