We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
