please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
