So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
