that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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