my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
