I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
