make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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