I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
