Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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