I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
