it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
