I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
