No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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