Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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