Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize