I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
