if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
