youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
