tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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