Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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