I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
do herpes really smell.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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