You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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