I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she pinky promised me she was 18
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize