a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
