All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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