Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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