Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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