I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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