I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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