I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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