just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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