Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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