We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
