Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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